Constructive Forms of Coping

 How do we define stress? In the case of stressors that families encounter, the definition is somewhat different from our usual connotative application of the word. Stressor events are not just the abstract feelings of anxiety that we can sometimes get; they are events that put pressure on the family dynamics. These could be things like loss of employment, the loss of a family member, or an unexpected financial burden. 

These stressors are difficult things to go through, but it is inevitable that we will eventually pass through some kind of trial. While we cannot control what happens to us, we can control on how we think about these things. In turn, this will affect how we react to them. Our attitudes can completely change how we choose to approach these stressors. To illustrate my point with a more trivial example, imagine that it snows one morning. The way that you think about the snow will have rippling effects that determine how your day will go before it even begins. If you think something like, "Ah, I hate dealing with snow; now my morning is ruined" then you are putting yourself in a negative mindset that will permeate throughout the entire day. Conversely, if you choose to think about it more positively, "It looks so pretty outside!" then you will be approaching the rest of your day with a constructive and positive mindset. 

It might seem difficult at first, but we really do have the power to train ourselves to react to things in a more positive and constructive way. Coping with stressors is much more than just "getting by". We should not try to dismiss or ignore the problems that arise in our families. Rather, these present opportunities to rebuild our circumstances. I have mentioned in previous entries that a static family is prone to breaking; this applies here just as much as anywhere else. 

When steel bridges are built, they are not built to be completely solid. They have spaces and structures in them that allows them to bend and move slightly under different environmental pressures. They will expand and contract as the seasons change, and this is what allows them to stand strong even after years and years of harsh weather. Likewise, an individual and a family should allow themselves some room to change and adapt to different stressors that will arise in their lives. If you approach every challenge the same way without adapting your thinking, then you might find that the pressure builds and builds until something starts to break. 

Just like working out a muscle, we can train ourselves to react to problems in ways that help us grow from them. As I mentioned above, we should change our methods of coping to be more than just getting through something; we should create habits of coping that allow us to exercise our ability to grow closer together as a family. Events do not have to be what influence our actions. In fact, they really aren't the main factor; it is our thoughts that lead to the actions that we take. So, it really comes down to how we perceive our challenges. 

What are some ways to develop healthier thoughts and reactions to problems, then? 

Thoughts of things like "there is no escape" can lead us into despair and depression. We ought to make it a practice to stop and evaluate the thoughts that we are having about the events that happen to us. Do we really believe that there is only one way to see things? When we place these negative labels on things, then we are beginning to trap ourselves into destructive patterns. It is important to view things as they are, and begin to replace errors in our thinking with truth. 

When we begin to replace twisted thinking with truthful thinking, we can begin to see a change in our attitude, and this has a profound impact on our actions. If we develop these healthier patterns of thought before the stressors appear in our lives, then we will find ourselves better equipped to deal with the challenges that will affect our families.