The Family in the Modern Context

I can't relate to the experience of parenting on a very concrete level, simply because I haven't become one yet. Still, of all of the things that I've talked about here before, I think that intention is the most important thing of all. When we live our lives intentionally, then that is where we can really begin to do good things. So, while I am not a parent yet, that does not mean that I cannot prepare for it now. There are various learning curves that we hit in life. When we are born, we are totally immersed in a totally new environment, and we have to learn to do everything that we need to survive. Marriage is another learning curve that requires new skills to be learned; things like communication and working as a team. Raising children is an extension of this, and also comes with a lot of new challenges and learning opportunities.  Most of us tend to prepare for parenting by thinking about our own parents, and choosing to either replicate or reject their methods. While t

There are a lot of resources and research regarding fathers and their role in the family. Here are five interesting points that I have found in the paper,  Fatherhood Matters: An Integrative Review of Fatherhood Intervention Research.   1: Over 40% of children grow up in the United States without consistent and affirmative involvement of their fathers. This is a pretty significant number, as that means that nearly half of the USA population lacks that father figure in their childhood. Essentially half of the people growing up here are growing up under completely different circumstances than the nuclear family that I've been describing these past weeks, and this is significant because of the next point. 2: Children with suboptimal father involvement may experience socioemotional, developmental, and educational challenges that can extend into adulthood. Now the last point becomes a little more sobering. This is nearly half of the USA population that is growing up in, frankly, less th

 I think that it is logical to posit that most of the problems in any relationship come from a lack of communication. Communication is a broad term, but it essentially comes down to meaning an exchange of information. In the context of a relationship, communication is the means by which we interact with people.  This takes many different forms. One of the first things that comes to mind when we talk about communication are our words. That is how I am communicating with you right now! There are some things that words can not convey, though. How do you feel when you read this sentence? "I can't believe that you've done this." Am I praising you for your accomplishment? Am I expressing frustration or anger with something that you've done? So much nuance is lost when we focus wholly on the words of a conversation, and this can (and will) cause a lot of gaps in communication. One of the problems of communication is that we all have different pasts and experiences that w

 How do we define stress? In the case of stressors that families encounter, the definition is somewhat different from our usual connotative application of the word. Stressor events are not just the abstract feelings of anxiety that we can sometimes get; they are events that put pressure on the family dynamics. These could be things like loss of employment, the loss of a family member, or an unexpected financial burden.  These stressors are difficult things to go through, but it is inevitable that we will eventually pass through some kind of trial. While we cannot control what happens to us, we can control on how we think about these things. In turn, this will affect how we react to them. Our attitudes can completely change how we choose to approach these stressors. To illustrate my point with a more trivial example, imagine that it snows one morning. The way that you think about the snow will have rippling effects that determine how your day will go before it even begins. If you think

Marriage presents many new challenges and opportunities for a couple to learn and grow from. The topic of marital intimacy is no exception to this. In my case, I have never been married. Even still, there are certain things that I have seen that have helped me affirm my belief that intimacy should be reserved for a married couple, and it can be (should be!) a tool for unity.   A marriage is a unique kind of relationship that introduces challenges that no other type of dynamic between people can really present. It allows an environment for physical expression of love, and this can be a very new thing for people. Just as with other topics that I have written about in the past, communication and self-awareness are extremely important in maintaining a positive relationship. Different people are used to different kinds of physical expression, and it can be easy to feel hurt if your partner doesn’t reciprocate your advances to the degree that you expect. Of course, this does not immediately

 Marriage is a frightening thing to many people. It is a huge commitment, and it could go horribly wrong... right? Mainstream media tends to either romanticize marriage to an unrealistic degree, or they villainize it as a kind of "ditch" in the way of living life. Is marriage just a gamble? Well, no. There are certain things that you can do to make your marriage work, and these are intentional actions.  Throughout my years of high school marching band, our drill instructor would often repeat this phrase, "You perform the way that you practice!" This applies to things like marching band and sports, but also to everything in life! We can not expect that we will behave differently in a new situation just because it is the real deal. The habits and practices that we form before marriage will absolutely affect the way that our marriage goes. We go the direction that we are pointed. One important aspect of the marriage process that can be overlooked is the engagement phas